O'TOOLE: How chocolate killed my camping career

Jul 3, 2012

 

It’s true. Hershey’s made the Kit Kat bars and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups that brought our happy family ritual to an end.

July 4, 1983: For the fifth year now, Mom and Dad have packed my younger brother and sister and me into Grandpa’s RV and driven us north to Newaygo County to camp at Little Switzerland over the Independence Day holiday. What Switzerland — big or little — has to do with the campground, I can’t begin to fathom. It’s about as Swiss as a taco.

I am 11 years old and chronically bored and self-conscious. I have a good-enough time with my siblings. We do cannonballs and play Marco Polo in the lake. We play miniature golf on the sun-bleached course. We ride around the campground on our bikes while our parents ride their lawn chairs. We get sunburned and mosquito-bitten, despite the layers of Coppertone and Off! Mom slathers on us. At night in the tent, the three of us horse around until our parents yell out the camper window to go to sleep.

But I spend my most blissed-out hours alone on the camper couch where I read Trixie Belden mysteries in front of the fan. I eat Kit Kat bars and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups while I read, following an elaborate ritual: I break off a Kit Kat stick and take small bites, allowing the chocolate to melt on my tongue before I crunch into the crispy wafer. When I’ve finished one stick, I take a sip of warm Coke. Then it’s on to the next stick.

To eat the Reese’s, I nibble around the perimeter of the cup. I savor the center, allowing it to melt on my tongue. By the time I’m finished, my fingers are coated in chocolate goo. Even after I lick my fingers clean, chocolate blossoms stain the pages of my book.

Once the candy is gone and I’ve reached the end of a chapter in my Trixie Belden book, I snap on my neon-pink fannypack and bike with my brother and sister to the camp store where I buy two more Kit Kats and two more Reese’s. Then it’s back to the camper for more Trixie, more candy and more warm Coke.

Once or twice, Mom calls from her lawn chair as we climb on our bikes: “Take it easy on the candy bars.”

“We will, Mom,” we chorus, and never give her words another thought.

That afternoon, my sister throws up on the picnic table. She misses the fireworks to recuperate at the campsite with cups of Vernor’s, that Michigan-made magic medicine.

By the time dusk falls, I could use some Vernor’s myself. I beg off going to the lakeside fireworks, but my dad convinces me that if I miss them, I will regret it on my deathbed. All I remember is the sea of people, the stench of their Hawaiian Tropic, their sweat and their beer.

Sometime after midnight, I am awakened by what feels like “Dancing with the Stars” in my gut. I belch and wrestle my way out of my sleeping bag. I crawl across the dark tent to where the opening must be. My fingers fumble on the slippery nylon. I can’t locate the zipper. I can’t get out. The dancers twirl. They flip. Kick left, kick right, kick left. I belch like a pirate. The dancers punch the air. I clap my hands over my mouth.

Gwaaaaarp! Chocolate, peanut butter and bile overflow my hands and splatter on the tent floor.

My fingers clasp the zipper at last. I crawl out of the tent and run for the RV. I feebly tap on the door. No response. I rap both fists against the door and bleat, “Mom-my! Mom-my!”

The door flies open and Mom’s standing there in her nightgown, her hair all caved-in on one side and she’s not wearing her glasses. “What? What is it?” she demands in that voice that says that somebody better need the emergency room.

While Mom scrubs up my Hershey’s hork, pausing every few seconds to gag, Dad shepherds my sister and me into the car. He drives us all the way home, cutting corners and stomping on the gas and the brakes so my sister and I lurch into the doors and each other, belching and moaning.

The next morning, my brother barfs in the frying pan Mom is about to cook breakfast in.

That is the last Independence Day camping trip — the last camping trip, period.

Here in 2012, I ironically — perhaps perversely — still love Kit Kats and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. In moderation, of course. But I have never taken my children camping.

— By Kelly O'Toole, one of the Tribune's newest community columnists. Her column will appear on the first Tuesday of each month.
 

Comments

ghresident

You overindulged yourself on Kit Kats, Reese's and Coke, then Puked.....Who's fault is this???? Yours....haha! Extreemly lame read at most, not even worthy of being published.

otoolefriend

really? I don't see you being published either... give her a break!

Karingh

how can you deny your kids the joy of camping.......LAME story!

Tri-cities realist

Aw, take it easy on the newbie. I did chuckle about the frying pan...

polarize

Some people are just too critical or need a hobby. I thought the story was very funny and has local appeal. It's a column, not a news story so give her a break. :)

PeopleAreAmazing

Kelly, brush off the criticism......the people who feel the need to criticize are saying far more about themselves than they are your story - - I appreciated it. For those of you who feel the need to criticize the story - your thoughtless, hidden, criticism simply makes you look ignorant. Karingh and ghresident - I can't wait to read your amazing stories........

Karingh

LOL....Im far to educated to put such a lame story in the paper.........I have funny childhood memories, and I can bet you would NOT find them funny....and I would NEVER publish them..they are JUST THAT.....funny FAMILY stories...meant to stay within families.....GH Trib SUCKS lately!!! My criticism was not hidden, I put it out there like she did her GROSS story.....ignorant? thats funny, didnt realize MY OPINION was ignorant? wasnt her PERSONAL story ignorant? damn hypocrits...

PeopleAreAmazing

My Oh My - we certainly have an inflated view of ourself now, don't we?

76CooperGirl

LOL! I could see myself doing the same thing at that age. I love your humor!

Kelly O'Toole

Hi, everybody. Kelly O'Toole, here. I'm the author of this lame and gross column. :) Thanks for the comments, positive and negative. It's always enlightening to see how people respond to my writing. Thanks for reading. Cheers!

 

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