"In all my years of bartending, no man ever ordered a Sex on the Beach because he was interested in anything but the reaction around him."
(2) Begin any order with “She’ll have …”
(3) Opt for the corkage fee
(4) Surprise her with balloons
"I don’t care if you bought the $75 giant heart balloon stuffed with arcade prizes that they’ve been filling with helium for three-days straight. She does not want it. What is she supposed to do when you arrive on her doorstep with a floating plastic bouquet? Leave them at her place and worry she has offended you? Bring them to the restaurant and look like an idiot?
"The exceptions to balloons are: She is going to be in the hospital for longer than 72 hours including Valentine's Day, you’ve been married for 10 years and your children are the ones handing them to her; she’s in high school and you are also in high school (stop reading my blog); she’s a professional clown."
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